Right To Reply, Then Fall Over In A Comedy Heap
.White Noise |  Exclusive alpen.freewebspace.com feedback special! It's so exciting!
 

CUTTINGS

I'm scared of your site. It's all technology-ish!

Mrs Miggins, Hull

 

Every morning I walk towards the edge

Bjork

(Aargh! - Ed)

 

Can I just tell you about my amazing dancing dog?

Mad Eric, Boston

(No - Ed)

 

Visit seldo.com!

Seldo, yesterday

 

Hur hur hur - in this photo it looks like you're pregnant!

Danny "Rake" Beusch, Hrghlhrgl

 

But I liked the yellow. Bring the yellow back!

Alice Goalby's hair

 

Hur hur hur - look, Matt looks like he's got no neck!

Danny "Giraffe" Beusch, Hrghlhrgl

 

Visit wabson.org.uk

Will, earlier

 

Mwng ping weep diddly pweep

Dane Bowers

 

Some of the links are broke

Dan Smith, tech support

 

Ping!

ICQ launcher

 

Oh and, in this one, Matt looks really like a monkey!

Danny "Human" Beusch, Hrghlhrgl

 

Beep beep

Phone

 

Resurrected running joke!

Wayne Grise, Thornbury

 

Well, I like it. I think all the colours are prettier, and some of the links actually work and stuff now. And stuff. Did I say that already?

Matthew James Alpen, lost

 

 

 

 

What you said
• Site Greeted With Mixture Of Disdain And Disdain

"Singularly unimpressed"

I am singularly unimpressed at my post at the start of your website, especially as it doesn't appear to make much sense. I was worried that people who don't know me might get the wrong idea and think that I was a bit weird.

Andy Burley, his computer

 

• "Make it good"

Make it a good and humorous update tomorrow.

Dan Park, with a baseball bat

 

"Update of the"

Talking of tomorrow, there'll also be the first full-scale update of the new site since it went online.

Matt Elton, three days ago

 

"I am getting worried"

Your website is great and I am getting worried that I am getting slightly addicted. I seem to be checking it 3 times a day or so, and it always makes me chuckle.

Andy Burley, an institution

 

"STRESS STRESS STRESS!!!"

STRESS STRESS STRESS!!!

Becky Hutton, stressed


• Yeh, it's still going on the right. It's v. funny, though. Really, read it.



• "I cannot think"

Anyway, speaking of updating the site, i was going to write something for it, but i cannot think of anything to write about at all.

Ian. Could well've been Matt, though



Write to the Editor at

His House, A Very Nice Street In Somewhere Fashionable Like Bath Or Near The Dock In Bristol, England.

 

Or Contact Matt at

e-mail: mattelton@hotmail.com

ICQ: 126880762


Credits

Words Boris Karloff

Pictures The Daily Mirror

Words And Pictures Is still good

Tea and biscuits Mrs Brown, much older this time around

Painter River Phoenix

Turner Prize Carol Vorderman

Rollmop Herrings Bob Carolgees

 

 

 

  What they said

To whom it may concern,
For those who know me, they know it is a rare occurrence for me to be rendered speechless. But when I heard that the Gnus page wants to pervert
human instincts by suppressing natural feral constraints and encouraging abnormal patterns of behavior, I must say that speechless I was. And that's why I feel compelled to say something about impolitic slaves to fashion.
And for those bloody-minded devotees of conspiracy theories who want to hide behind the argument that the Gnus page's apple-polishers are not ignorant loudmouths, but rather, inimical chiselers, my question is simply this: What's the difference? Even by the Gnus page's own account, I'll tell you what we need to do about all the craziness it is mongering. We need to search for solutions that are more creative and constructive than the typically impertinent ones championed by disdainful, intemperate dolts. I could accept, perhaps, theories backed by the forces of logic and powerful reasoning. Expostulations marked with hypocrisy and contradiction, however, merit none of my respect.
There is no place in this country where we are safe from the Gnus page's emissaries, no place where we are not targeted for hatred and attack. The Gnus page uses the very intellectual tools it criticizes, namely consequentialist arguments rather than arguments about truth or falsity. It
is becoming increasingly obvious to many people that stuck-up, tasteless Pyrrhonism is now and has long been a mainstay of the Gnus page's obiter dicta. (Actually, discrediting ideas by labeling them as crude is an old tradition among the Gnus page's dupes, but that's not important now.) I find that I am embarrassed. Embarrassed that some people just don't realize that the Gnus page believes that violence and prejudice are funny. Sorry, but I have to call foul on that one.
Given the uncompromising political rhetoric of our times, I correctly predicted that the Gnus page would turn a deaf ear to need and suffering.
Alas, I didn't think it'd do that so effectively -- or so soon. Clearly, if the Gnus page can one day sidetrack us, so we can't fight tooth and nail
against the Gnus page, then the long descent into night is sure to follow.
The Gnus page supports a wide variety of epigrams. Some are pea-brained; others are noxious. A few openly support alcoholism.
Should someone think that I am saying too much, I am not saying too much, but much too little. For one does not have to emphasize the negative in our lives instead of accentuating the positive in order to embrace the cause of self-determination and recognize the leading role and clearer understanding of those people for whom the quintessential struggle is an encompassing
liberation movement against the totality of metagrobolism. It is a prudish person who believes otherwise. Who is behind the decline of our
civilization? The culprit responsible is not the Illuminati, not the Insiders, not the Humanists, not even the Communists. No, the decline of our
civilization is attributable primarily to the Gnus page.
The Gnus page's prank phone calls are based on a technique I'm sure you've heard of. It's called "lying". The next time the Gnus page decides to fill
the air with recrimination and rancor, it should think to itself, cui bono? -- who benefits? The Gnus page is not interested in what is true and what is false or in what is good and what is evil. In fact, those distinctions have no meaning to it whatsoever. The only thing that has any meaning to the Gnus page is oligarchism. Why? On the surface, it would seem to have something to do with the way that the few foolish bums who deny this are not only wrong, they are willfully sadistic. But upon further investigation, one will find that I and the Gnus page part company when it comes to the issue of neopaganism. It feels that it's okay for it to indulge its every whim and lust without regard for anyone else or for society as a whole, while I think that its ventures represent a backward step of hundreds of years, a backward
step into a chasm with no bottom save the endless darkness of death.
The Gnus page's grievances serve merely to illustrate that hatred, prejudice, and ignorance are still prevalent in our culture. That's something you won't find in your local newspaper, because it's the news that just doesn't fit. As I gaze into my crystal ball, I see that the Gnus page's shills will hold annual private conferences in which birdbrained paper-pushers are invited to present their "research" by the next full moon.
There are some truths that are so obvious that for this very reason they are not seen, or at least not recognized, by ordinary people. One noteworthy
example is the truism that we can divide the Gnus page's newsgroup postings into three categories: directionless, hypocritical, and combative. To add
another dimension to this argument, let me mention that the Gnus page's offhand remarks are a mere cavil, a mere scarecrow, one of the last shifts of a desperate and dying cause. It is as if we were safely on the bank of a raging river, enjoying a picnic with our friends and family, when a bunch of domineering heavy metal fans came along and threw us into the river. Not only must we must struggle to avoid drowning in the raging torrent of the Gnus page-sponsored sectarianism, but we must crawl out of the river before we can improve the living conditions of the most vulnerable in our society -- the sick, the old, the disabled, the unemployed, and our youth -- all of
whose lives are made miserable by the Gnus page.
The solecism "debate" is not a debate. It is a harangue, a politically motivated, brilliantly publicized, gloomy attack on progressive ideas. If
the Gnus page wants to reduce social and cultural awareness to a dictated set of guidelines to follow, let it wear the opprobrium of that decision. We were put on this planet to be active, to struggle, and to draw an accurate portrait of the Gnus page's ideological alignment. We were not put here to cashier anyone who tries to burn away social illness, exploitation, and human suffering, as the Gnus page might contend.
The Gnus page's remonstrations are geared toward the continuation of social stratification under the rubric of "tradition." Funny, that was the same
term that its bootlickers once used to waste hours and hours in fruitless conferences and meetings. I have a problem with the Gnus page's use of the
phrase, "We all know that...". With this phrase, it doesn't need to prove its claim that an open party with unlimited access to alcohol can't possibly
outgrow the host's ability to manage the crowd; it merely accepts it as fact. To put it another way, this is not the first time I've wanted to
condemn its hypocrisy. But it is the first time I realized that it must have known that its anecdotes would cause high levels of outrage and would generate many letters in response (like this one). I don't think anyone questions that. But did you know that I could go on in this same vein for
hours? The only way out of the Gnus page's rat maze is to tell it how wrong it is. It's that simple.

Yours sincerely,

Sir Graeme Wise, A transatlantic jet, somewhere above the Pacific.



This site is copyright ©. If you want to use something, please contact me. I'll probably say yes, but check anyway, because I like mail.