.bad things 8

Some things are clearly bad. Def Leppard, for instance, or giving birth to an irriatingly smug test-card-esque child. However, there are some things that cunningly disguise their eggy stink, concealing themselves within "polite" society only to pop out and fall upon the head of unsuspecting victims. Our duty, therefore, is to unmask these things for the traitors they are. This time: Monsieur Daniel Park on Why Shopkeepers are Evil.

.Shopkeepers

Shopkeepers are the route of all evil!

This is a serious argument. Having been working in a shop for the past 5weeks i have come to make some startling discoveries. Just like an invasion of the body snatchers, our local shopkeepers are not the innocent, smiley people we once thought they were. There is not merely 1 point of evidence for this, but in fact several key incidents point to the same conclusion. Shopkeepers supply the world with everything, from intoxicating liquors to ther last ciggy which will lead to some terminal cancer which reaks havok on the unsuspecting victim and his local family. What does the Shopkeeper do about it, he smiles sweetly and carries on with his day free from guilt, no anguish, or distress, and to make it wosre what does he then do, he strolls to his office to order more of his instruments of death. I know what you are thinking, that they also provide us with things we need, well do not be falled by this front, you remeber Hansel and Gretal don't you, this is merely a cunning disguise, to hide the corruption which the shopkeepers orchestrate, these important items are the shopkeepers pipe and he is the pide piper. Trust me friends do not be deceived by the next shopkeeper you see. Any person who can convince children to take sweets from strangers so easily and on top of which to pay for them, oh if only th parents knew.
As i delve deeper into the mind of the shopkeeper i become further horrified, they also distribute explicit porn to men who should know better they inflict an undetected sense of corruption upon this world, they distribute papers, which are making the media a yet more powerful tool, Is there no ends to this twisted and deprived behaviour of such people, sadly my evidence suggests NO! everyone is unaware of this manipulation, like the Matrix it will not stop until people are made aware, i am the Neo of this world and i will not see a flock of shopkeepers corrupt this world into a deprived state of people where there is zero social cohesion, and maximum manipulation of the innnocent victims, like Lemmings the customers risked walking over the edge of a cliff by entering a shop where the Shopkeeper sees all. I swear that Shopkeepers are the new breed of vampires, they suck the life from there ciggarette buying, vodka drinking, telegraph reading and sandwich eating customers to the point that if we do not stop this overhaul of our pure and decent society then who knows what depths of hell the shopkeeper may drag us into. We must fight back....So say no to cash back, say no to calling cards, show no thanks and gratitude, show resentment and hatred towards such a twisted individual make a mess down the sweet aisle, stare at the shopkeeper like a violent bull, stamp your authority on life scream that you have freedom and fight back against the domination of life and our opinions, say no to shopkeepers!

By Daniel Park, presently serving his final weeks as a shop assistant in Alldays. Don't worry, he's not evil, he's just bringing the organisation down from the inside.