Sacre Bleu! Je suis en contretemps!

We all know the legend. We all know the stuff that's passed into our folk-lore: the stories of drink, emotion and tiredness. Or do we? Well, now's the chance for you to prove it: to find out how much you know about the ragbag of social misfits and drunks that comprises life at the University of Warwick. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it's the alpen.freewebspace.com Big Quiz! Rules and instructions below. Welcome to the fourth week!

It's exactly the same as last week, really: simply answer each multiple choice question with what you think is the correct answer. Again, choose carefully. When you choose your answer, a box will pop up telling you whether you're wrong or right. Only click once. You're only cheating yourself. When you've done, move onto the next question: when you're finished them all, count up the number of corrects for a total score!

1. Quote of the week: "Your right hand should be locked up!". Who?

a. William Pitt, The Elder

b. An elder tree

c. Seldo Voss

d. Becky Hutton's random pull

2. Percentage that postgraduate Matthew Corder's website is the same, genetically, as Will's:

a. 21%

b. 96%

c. How rude! It's entirely different

d. They're distant brothers

3. Which of these, in your eyes, constitutes the worst fashion crime:

a. Bleached blonde hair

b. White trainers/black trousers combo

c. Diamond-checked V neck sweaters

d. Matt's brief shirts-under-jumpers flirtation

4. Matt and Tony got so drunk the other Monday that:

a. Matt fell onto the football game in Cholo with a girl?

b. Tony stopped being hyper briefly?

c. Everyone kicked so hard in New York, New York that Tony's shoe flew off?

d. Matt was sick in Kim's car?

5. In the West Country, no one can hear you:

a. ...scream?

b. ...ride your combine harvester over a pig?

c. ...belch turnips?

d. ...say Oo-arr?

6. Alcoholic craze sweeping the nation:

a. Pepsi Kola

b. Chocolate/caramel shots

c. Blowjobs

d. Vanilla Vodka

7. If you were stuck in a school (yes, we know) and had to escape quickly, who would you call for help?

a. Danny Beusch - he'd have done all his work so you could leave early

b. Kim Tate - she'd be staying in late to do arty leaf stencils, so you could escape then

c. Matt Elton - he always dossed in the music cupboard anyway

d. Matt Corder - he was too clever to go to school

8. Recently made Aunt and Uncle (ie first person is Aunt, second is Uncle):

a. Tony Martinez and Finbar Stevens

b. Dale Tate and Daniel Park

c. Sarah Lampard and Matt Elton

d. Sarah Lampard and Daniel Park

9. A memory test. The correct answer to this question is B. Which is the correct answer?

a. C

b. B

c. A

d. D

10. Only place in the Union you're not allowed alcoholic drinks, except for when Matt and Tony are there:

a. The Sociology Department

b. In the queue at the bar at Top Banana

c. Xananas Lounge

d. Danny's house

How did you do? Well, although the potential for cheating is clearly very great - we're not that technically clever, alright - if you've played properly, you should now have a mark out of ten. This is what that score indicates:

0-2 Poor. If you were a lady singer, you would be Dana International.

3-5 Below average. If you were a lady singer, you would be Katrina (with or without her Waves).

6/7 Alrighty. If you were a lady singer, you would be Alanis Morrisette.

8 Good-ee! If you were a lady singer, you would be Madonna.

9 Hurrah! If you were a lady singer, you would be Sheryl Crow.

10 Ooh, you clearly cheated, but if you were a lady singer, you would be - yes! - Tori Amos.