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You lovely, lovely people. Not only do you put up with my babbling - and my occasional transformation into Evil Matt, as witnessed last term (think evil Bilbo in Lord of the Rings and you'll get the idea) - but you also put up with me writing borderline offensive things about you all on this page. Well, nyah, I've done it once, so I can do it again. By the way, if you think this page looks a bit odd in your browser, it does, but only because it looked odd when I designed it and couldn't be bothered to change it again. Sorry...

Three true facts you didn't know about Danny:

1. When he was small he wanted to be a Space Cadet.

2. He is younger than you.

3. He carries a signed photo of Chesney Hawkes with him at all times.

You heard it here first, kids.

Tony spent part of this Christmas skiing with friends in the French Alps, quaffing champagne and falling down (not always as a direct consequence of the first part). The other part of the holidays was spent working in his ludicrously expensive London shoe shop. For all this good taste and wealth, it's reassuring to know that Mr Martinez still finds people falling over very funny, and that he has possibly even less co-ordination than Matt. Well, almost.

If Kimmy Kim Kim Kim were a tree, we expect she would be a silver birch. We're not sure why, it just seems to fit. Or possibly a willow. Anyway, Kimberley held one of her enormously popular Fancy Dress Murder Mystery New Year's Eve parties this year, which involved "Uncle" Dale coming as a circus ringmaster, complete with twirly camp moustache. This is a potent mental image. We are keeping it in our records.

Seldo, as he will not hesitate to tell you on the slightest provocation, spent this Christmas "season" basking in the warm glow of the tropics. To be more precise, he went back home to Trinidad, where everyone is called Trin (now we know why he really changed his name). In his spare time - as if, computer science students - Seldo enjoys embarking on his new four-days-a-week exercise regime, something that'll clearly only last just that length of time. Sorry, Vossy.

James "you won't remember both my middle names" Foster lives surprisingly close to alpen.freewebspace's home town, although considerably more out in the country than us. Goodness. One of the highlights of last term for James was the time when he got his own back on Tony and shut him in his car boot. Another was being shut in a car boot himself. True fact about James: you won't like him when he's angry.

Will "I don't have any middle names" Abson lives in Wales, where they didn't get any snow at all over Christmas. Shame. One of the highlights of last term for Will was when he managed to take a photo of every single person alive in one evening, something managed through the use of his Evil Camera of Doom (the results of which can be witnessed at www.wabson.org.uk, machocism fans). Another was having, and losing, a fight with a Coke machine in the union. True fact about Will: his full name is William.

Daniel "I don't remember your middle name" Park is currently in the course of negotiations with The Lovely Rachel From Plymouth. Yes, rather like in a 70s gameshow, the Lovely Rachel does not have a surname and is instead simply known as The Lovely Rachel From Plymouth. (She hails from Plymouth, slow child at the back). In his spare time, Dan enjoys reading Cohen and Kennedy (2000) and talking to the Lovely Rachel From Plymouth. Note the extra capitalisation that time to convey excitement, or possibly a typo.

Marc "From the West Country" Bunyard is from the West Country. Whilst not driving around in his Jolly Green Camper Van listening to the Wurzels quite loudly, Marc enjoys sitting in his camper van with the engine running listening to the Wurzels quite loudly. Marc once opened his camper van to find a Moz sleeping in the back; it had to be driven out with pitchforks in the traditional West Country-stylee. True fact about Marc: he does not approve of hot chocolate in bowls.

Moz "My surname is Peachey" Peachey comes from a little island whose name we temporarily forget. In his spare time Moz enjoys hitting things with arrows fired from bows. Moz always keeps a box of tissues handy when "surfing" the "net", but we hope that this site won't provoke him to need a tissue. (Unless we've inadvertently made him cry). Moz's birthday is January 31st. Remember that, there may be surprise test later.

True fact: Fin-lay Stevens actually inspired the theme song to popular children's cartoon Jimbo The Jet-Set. Second true fact: Finbar is the world champion at pool, except for that time he lost against me by mistakenly thinking the black was a ball of another colour entirely. Third true fact: Finbar lives in London, where he occassionally undertakes manual labour building gardens, but more often learns to play things on the guitar. A flat-E min-C maj is a good one, we find.

"Auntie" Charlotte is famed for three magical things: 1. The ability to make cups of tea and/or hot chocolate just before you were going to ask for one. 2. The ability to be possibly the most ticklish person in existence. 3. Having the comfiest, softest bedroom floor in the world, one which she all-too-frequently allows people to crash upon in a highly undignified fashion. Hurrah for Charlotte, we say. Said. Whatever.

Andy "taxman" Burley has thrown in his smelly student towel and now works at something dreadfully important in the City (of Birmingham). Whilst not commuting on a train, Andy can be found sniffing vanilla vodka in the company of one Mr Danny Beusch. Andrew's videogaming skillz know no bounds: he recently completed Harry Potter and the Philosophers' Stone, despite it being Danny's game, leaving Beuschy crying in the corner. For good measure, Andy also stole his rattle.

Confusingly, Matt has the same name as the Matt who co-edits this website, although is not in fact the same person (but someone else entirely). Matt is easily confused by slang, so we're going to write the rest of his entry in that style. Beezer. Wikkid. Jungle is massive. Bo! Selecta. Got any gear? You're cruising for a bruising, mate. No, none round here. Oh aye, I did that last night, but the wheel fell orf. And that's enough of that.