how to use the Speech-O-Spinner

1. Look at the picture above, using your eyes and possibly your mouse to scroll down first.

2. Cut out the three circles with the colours in. For best results, copy and paste the picture to your hard drive using some sort of mad science, then print it out using some sort of printing device (not a modem, although that does have pretty flashy lights).

3. Find a butterfly tack. They're small and look like tacks, hence the name.

4. Find the biggest circle and put it on a flat (horizontal) surface.

5. Find the next biggest one and put it on top.

6. Find the circle that's left and put it on top again.

7. Stick the butterfly tack through all three circles making very sure you don't amputate a finger in the process.

8. Whirl the circles round like Anne Robinson to complete your West Country-O-Phrase!

sos

Ladies and gentlemen of the parish, we know that entering for the first time into the confusing and backward land of the West Country can be a daunting and perplexing experience. For so-called "Turnip Virgins", the place can appear full of mad-eyed wastrels babbling in an incomprehensible tongue. However, fear not, young traveller, because Colonel Ian Wise is on hand with the definitive West Country Speech-O-Spinner to crack even the most baffling of phrases. Read on...