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Name: Tony Martinez
Height: Smaller than you
Dancing Ranking: 3rd
Special skills: Driving a white car, alcoholism
Weapons: Knowing look, contagious giggle
Notes: Although initially looking small and rather unimposing, Martinez ("Tony" to his friends) is actually someone to be feared. A good way to get past his strengths (see above) is to offer him free alcohol, and then run for cover. Return a day later and he won't remember anything about it.
Total Scariness: 6 out of 10 Price: 75p
Name: Danny Beusch
Height: Tall, with Mr Tickle-style arms
Dancing Ranking: 7th (depending on drunkeness)
Special skills: Being better than you at everything
Weapons: Insult-mongering, camp attack, surprise Chesney Hawkes opener
Notes: Created by mad scientists in a laboratory (possibly), Danny "Not Really Ben" Beusch is truly an adversary to be feared. Always on hand with a sharp comeback or witty retort, the best defence available at present appears to be complete masculinity, something unknown and therefore abhorrent to the Beuschmeister.
Total Scariness: 7 out of 10 Price: 80p
Name: Seldo Voss
Height: Tall, but v. small diameter
Dancing Ranking: Current joint 1st
Special skills: Deadline panics, socialising, wine gums
Weapons: Flailing wrists, handbag attack, unexpected seriousness
Notes: Operating under a codename to hide his true identity and pulling misleading faces for intelligence shots (see left) are just some of the ways Voss ensures his full powers are kept a closely guarded secret. Beware him.
Total Scariness: 8 out of 10 Price: 80p
Name: Kim Tate
Height: Tiny, however much she might try
Dancing Ranking: 4th
Special skills: Talking about doing work, artiness, artiness
Weapons: Magickal conversion powers (+1/+1), guile
Notes: Although she possesses no close-combat or direct weaponary, Tate's powers lie in stealth and subversion. Catching the enemy off guard, she lures them to the Dark Side, rendering little of their past life intact and secretly signing their futures over to her. Aiieee, etc.
Total Scariness: 9 out of 10 Price: £1.10
Name:
James/Will
Height: Combined height: 11 foot
Dancing Ranking: 9th, even with four feet
Special skills: Having two heads, four arms, and (snip! - Ed)
Weapons: Being in two places at once, double-edged sword
Notes: The Gemini of the Gaggle world, the beast known as James/Will operates the vast proportion of time as a single entity. Sharing mind and body functions, this therefore rates as one of your most fearsome adversaries. Not only this, but James/Will will in special instances split up into its constituent parts, providing twice the challenge.
Total Scariness: 8 out of 10 Price: 99p - buy one get one free
The Top Trumps: Gaggle Edition. Part One © The alpen.freewebspace.com Design School. Matt Elton 2002
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/Top Trumps Gaggle Edition: Part One
You all remember the game from junior school playground. (Except probably not you, Seldo). "My Sandman has one zillion hit points and beats your Gorgon into the GROUND! so I win!" Well now, in celebration of this childhood legend, we are proud to present The Top Trumps: Gaggle Edition! It's a ten part set, so COLLECT THEM ALL!!! We need a good lie down after all that. See Part The Two