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Name: Andy Burley
Height: Actually surprisingly ickle
Dancing Ranking: 8th
Special skills: Having a job, grinding
Weapons: Extreme camp, little finger
Notes: Although now quite a rare and elusive adversary, Burley is something for which you must always be prepared and always keep your eye out for. He may strike at any time, usually when Beuschy (see previous part) is around. Andrew's powers lie in the dark art of makin you giggle so much stuff comes out of your nose.
Total Scariness: 7 out of 10 Price: 81p
Name: Hutton
Height: It isn't the height you need to frightened of...it's the giggling
Dancing Ranking: 5th (assisted by enormous alcohol consumption, obv.)
Special skills: Being drunk, being amusing
Weapons: Scary eyes, flailing hair, wild drunken mood swings
Notes: Although when sober the only glimpse of how truly terrifying the being known only as "Hutton" can be, when brought into contact with Alcohol this glimpse becomes a big long stare. In particular, gambits to watch for include drunkenly falling on your arm rendering you unable to move, and paralysing giggles (a trick we strongly suspect she learned from Burley, above).
Total Scariness: 9 out of 10 Price: 99p
Name: Sarah Lampard
Height: Hard to tell, she keeps falling over
Dancing Ranking: 6th
Special skills: Duck and cover, easy to find by sound alone
Weapons: Drunken capture (pictured), grabbing shins
Notes: Highly suspected to have entered a pact with a local division of Mole People, Lampard appears to have a great affinity with the ground, spending a good deal of her time near or on it. Our data includes still footage of a terrifying attack on a helpless victim (left) - only the very foolish would allow her in such close proximity.
Total Scariness: 8 out of 10 Price: 73p
Name: "Evil" Dan
Height: Absolutely massive
Dancing Ranking: Current joint 1st
Special skills: Being absolutely huage, having blue hair
Weapons: Dreaded Photo of Death, glitter attack
Notes: A relatively new addition to the Gaggle Warriors stable, "Evil" Dan (as he is routinely not called in Real Life) has taken a hint or two from Will, relying mainly on his Evil Camera of Evil to catch his unsuspecting victims. Aargle. As a backup ploy, Dan will spray them with glitter Until They Are Dead. Aargle.
Total Scariness: 9 out of 10 Price: £1.05
Name:
Charlottey
Height: Medium, but with special-tall shoes
Dancing Ranking: 10th
Special skills: Being unbelievably nice, making tea
Weapons: Extreme niceness, hug
Notes: Charlotte is one of the nicest Gaggle members you will ever meet. But beware: this niceness may be a trap. Spend too much time with "Charlottey" and you'll never want to leave, stuck forever in her web of tea and marble cake. Using ploys such as these - together with her extreme levels of niceness, and her invitations to video nights - she lures her willing victims to certain doom. But it's a very nice sort of doom. So do it anyway.
Total Scariness: 4 out of 10 Price: £1.95
The Top Trumps: Gaggle Edition. Part Two © The alpen.freewebspace.com Design School. Matt Elton 2002
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>>Top Trumps Gaggle Edition: Part Two
The reaction to the first part of these EXCLUSIVE Gaggle Edition Top Trumps was, to say the least, confused. "What?!" is perhaps as indicative a response as any, although "What the funk do you think you're doing, writing about me like that?" is a more likely one. But some people liked it, so we've done it again with five more unsuspecting candidates who we believe you SHOULD ALL FEAR. Yes. Put the stick down... See Part One