Hit or Myth? Maybe

Myth Number One: Tony is a drunkard.

Something of a touchy subject, with Tony once threatening to "beat my head in" if I told any more stories about his drunken behaviour on this website. I didn't know how seriously to take this warning as he was off his face at the time. Ho ho ho. Seriously, though: a lot is made of how Tony is never, ever, ever, sober when you see him out in the evening. Is it true? Astonishingly, yes, mostly. When we asked Tony which days a week he regularly got drunk he replied: "Well, every Monday and Thursday, definitely. And probably most Saturdays too. I stopped going out Tuesdays because James Marsden Hour is on the telly, although I am going out today so that'll involve drink. Actually, it's definitely every time I go out. Which is a lot." So there we go. But it's not only the number of times a week Mr A J Martinez gets drunk - it's the style and the extent to which he does so that really impresses. Four pints of "minging" beer for someone who's barely bigger than a pint-glass himself? (Watch it, Matt - Ed). All in all, we've only gone and proven the first myth to be asbolutely, 100%, grounded in reality.

Myth Number Two: Matt got so drunk the first time he went to 'Bows he projectile-spewed into many, many ashtrays.

It's the story that I always get introduced with. Y'know, something like this: "...And this is Matt. D'ya know, the first time he went to Bows he got so drunk that..." And, distressingly, it's all true. The full story of the night is something I've had to rebuild using the accounts of others, as I was sooooo drunk I don't remember any of it. What I've managed to piece together is this: I'd had a few to drink (hmm, say about seven Reefs in the space of an hour? - Ed) and managed to get on quite well with all the people I'd met. Then I started to feel a bit sick, so went to sit on one of the lovely sofas downstairs. I then, in an order I don't quite understand, managed to a) projectile vomit brown stuff all over the garden and b) spew into a series of ashtrays proffered by my lovely colleagues. Then, despite it being only the hour of 12, I was bustled into a taxi by Kim and Dale (the first time I'd met him - good impressions, eh?) and whisked home. Because I risked being horribly sick again, the taxi driver was forced to speed along with the door open whilst I vommed in the gutter of the road. I'm never getting that ill again. It was horrible. It was also true. Oh well.

Firstly, Ed would like to apologise for that being quite the worst title he's ever seen for any given thing, ever, even worse than Delia calling a cookery series "How To Cook, But With Delia", or Wispas. That bit over, what's this page on, anyway? Well, this site - and it's lovely assorted electric brethren - has in the past been accused of propogating myths and distorted tales about the people who read it. Well now, gentlemen and the occassional lady, it's time for the Truth. Here we take 5 of the most common myths and apply them to Science.

Myth Number Four: James and Will are in fact the same person.

It's a hard thing to believe for those of you who've only existed this year, but up to as recently as September James and Will could be seen in separate locations for as long as up to and including a week. Yes, rein in those disbelieving gasps and wide eyes, because it's a True Fact. The unification of James Edward Wedderburn Foster and William "X" Abson in spirit and flesh was a complex operation, but one with amazingly complete results; but it is in fact true that they once operated as individual people. See also: Danny and Andy; Seldo and his computer. (I'm going to get killed for this bit, aren't I?)

Myth Number Five: Matt once like grunge.

It's true. He hasn't always like super-obscure electronists like Boards and Canada, or super-fey bands like Air, Yo La Tengo, and Belle and Sebastian. Incredibly, he has CDs by Nirvana and The Smashing Pumpkins buried away in CD Mountain somewhere. Hmmm.