Hit or Myth? Maybe

Myth Number Six: Andy is really old.

Andrew Burley, legendary grandpapa of this social group, and Mr Beusch's beau du chose, is often the butt (hur hur) of comedy ageist jokes. Y'know, the ones about him having grey hair and knitting his own jumpers. Well, we hate to be the bearer of Truth (believe us when we say it hurts us as much as it hurts you), but Andrew is actually only twenty-four years old. He is. Although this does make him nearly a decade older than Danny, he's not actually the oldest person you've ever met. I mean, it's very likely that your father is quite a bit older, unless you're from the West Country like Matt and Marc. And he's younger than Jurgen, who's twenty-six, and he would be almost younger than Matt Corder if Matt wasn't inconveniently younger than him (although we must admit that Mr Corder does act the older of the two by some considerable margin). So we've - finally! - proved one of our hilarious comedy-myths to be false: Mr Burley isn't actually really old at all, just a bit flea-bitten around the edges. Or maybe that wasn't fleas. And - (and that's quite enough of that - Ed.)

Myth Number Seven: Will is always on the Internet.

Check now, using Microsoft's Evil Messenger of Evil (and Harbinger of Doom, we shouldn't wonder). You'll undoubtedly find Mr W "X" Abson to be online, pretending to be doing some kind of Computer Science but in actual fact looking at pictures that he shouldn't. (The ones on his website, obviously, Will's lawyer). In fact, I'm starting some sort of petition to get Will permanently hooked up to his computer so that he can provide a constant drip-feed of comedy pictures to his website, so that people can post hilarious captions underneath, along the lines of "Wow! I've posted more off-topic sentences in this three-day period than anyone else! Aren't I an interesting person?" But anyway, I digress. Whatever we started babbling about at the start of this boxout, before things all went hideously off-topic, rather like one of Will's conversations, was true. And now we're off for our orange juice.

This page obviously © The alpen.freewebspace.com Design School. Matt Elton 2002. I think that's all the myths we should debunk for now, because by the end they got even more desperate than usual, a clear sign we wanted to get off and watch the Weakest Link or somesuch shit. That's it. We're gone.

Since we're not at all sure that anyone actually reads these bits of the webpages, we're gonna put some scurrulous gossip in this box here and see if anyone comments on it at all. Since they probably won't, I won't be needing a solicitor, which is a good thing as I don't have one (although I do know Tony, who's done his fair share of soliciting under that bridge in recent months, but that's another story). Anyway, what scandal can I make up? Erm, well, there was that time when Seldo was caught in a room with - (oh no! Out of space! Ed).

Myth Number Nine: Tony is the shortest person in existence.

Some stats: Matt is 5 foot 5 and a half (deal with it, the halves are very important when they make up a considerable percentage of your complete height). Tony is five foot four and a half. So he's certainly the shortest person we know at university, but wait! Matt is taller than both his father and his sister - his father is five foot four, so that makes him a shorter male person than Tony. And Matt's sixteen year-old sister is, unbelievably, shorter than even that, being four foot ten. So I don't think it's us that are short, I think it's you that are all lanky gets with some kind of growth-spurt problem thinking that being really tall will make up for gaping inadequacies in other areas, like (snip! -Ed) and (snip! - Ed). Oh, whatever. Go snip yourself. (Snip! - Ed).

Myth Number Ten: Everyone's middle name is James.

Matt's full name is Matthius James Elton. Seldo's is Seldo James Voss. Tony's is Anthony James Martinez. Andy's is Andrew Jon Burley, which is close enough for us. James' is James James Edward Wedderburn Apintof Foster. So, pedalling dangerously, we say that this is true. Yay!