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Name: Matthew Corder
Height: Not as tall as he'd like to believe
Dancing Ranking: Unconfirmed
Special skills: Being old, economics (or something)
Weapons: Mystified stare, humour bypass
Notes: Although the origins of one "Matthew Corder" are a little shadowy (somewhat like this photo - curse the Art Division), his most common appearance by far is Online Visitation via Will's website. There he spends his time, like a little gollum, making amusingly sardonic comments about the people in the photos. His Real Life home is in a cupboard in Union North.
Total Scariness: 8 out of 10 Price: 72p
Name: Daniel Park
Height: Minus Quiff: nearly 6 foot. Including quiff: approaching 7 foot.
Dancing Ranking: Unknown
Special skills: Being drunk, having two heads (if this photo is anything to go by - curse the Art Division)
Weapons: Raucous laughter, misplaced dart-in-the-eye
Notes: A notable member of the Gaggle canon for having several - how shall we say this? - unique features, Daniel is more often found in the daylight world rather than the darkly lit world of Camp. Famed in these parts for his roll-neck sweaters and aversion to the lovely Atomic Kitten, Mr Park is easily combatted by mentioning Steps and Pop Idol's Gareth Gates in quick successsion.
Total Scariness: 5 out of 10 Price: 81p
Name: Alex "Denim" Davies
Height: Ickle, but not as ickle as Matt or Tony. As if that could happen.
Dancing Ranking: Depends whether Tony's around
Special skills: Wearing denim, wowing the laydeez
Weapons: Denim attack, mysterious gender identity, denim attack
Notes: A highly rare species - even more rare than the legendary Mister Finbar Stevens, in fact - Alex "Denim" Davies is distinguishable from the mass of the population (excluding B*Witched, obv.) by his constant desire to wear denim clothing. All the time. He even has denim socks. A cunning way to outwit his defences would be to mention his black silk kimono, loudly and in public.
Total Scariness: 5 out of 10 Price: 76p
Name: Morris "Moz" Peachey
Height: Fair to middling
Dancing Ranking: Uh...you do realise these are just random numbers, don't you?
Special skills: If this photo is anything to go on, being both figuratively and actually legless
Weapons: Last minute rush, kiddy pout
Notes: Here we see Moz smiling. But this is not always the case. Oh no. Sometimes Moz is not smiling and, when he's not, he is truly an adversary to be feared. Specific attacks related to this new frame of mind include: playing music at brain-shattering levels and special Moz variants on the classic "Handbag Attack".
Total Scariness: 8 out of 10 Price: 83p
Name: Mary
Height: Has special height-enhancing shoes
Dancing Ranking: Uh....11th? (I've lost track).
Special skills: Being able to control Will
Weapons: Unleashing Will, raised eyebrow
Notes: Quite a scary photo this, isn't it? I mean, but Mary looks very nice in it. At the heart of Mary's fearsome power lies her control over the warrior known only as William "X" Abson: if she decides she doesn't like you, she could choose to turn off this control, leaving you at the mercy of an individual who will pout at you and then steal all your chicken goujons. Eep.
Total Scariness: 9 out of 10 Price: £1.20
The Top Trumps: Gaggle Edition. Part Three © The alpen.freewebspace.com Design School. Matt Elton 2002
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>>Top Trumps Gaggle Edition: Part Three
Ah, yes. Like a once-popular now-C-list celebrity hawking it around the clubs and pubs of some backwards West Country village, or a website editor increasingly relying on a tried-and-tested formula rather than true invention (for instance), The Gaggle Edition Top Trumps are back. (Back! BACK!) No, actually: it seems that some of you can't get enough of their fruity goodness (and we're looking particularly at Tony and Kim at this point). So find below a new collection of fearsome warriors. Or something. See parts one and two.