/rants index

Some people think that the world is all lovely and happy smiles. Some people still believe in fairies. There are lots of opinions about what is right and what is wrong, but fortunately ours is the correct one. Therefore find in this section a complete guide to everything that is Rubbish in the world, especially Hanson.

Most recent addition: The Top 25 Irritating Things...Ever

>The Top 25 Irritating Things...Ever! Matt Elton

Apropos of nothing, the top 25 most irritating things in the world...ever! Think of this as a culmination of every little, annoying thing that is wrong with the world today, helpfully compiled into one migraine-inducingly aggravating web page, complete with tiny little bouncy appearing adverts to make the experience complete. Examples include This Morning Without Richard and Judy, and shops on ferries. [And so on]

>Reasons Why The Entire Universe Is Rubbish Christopher Keates

The universe was clearly created with some infuriating design flaws built in. Here we have the opinion of one Chris Keates on what they are, and how they affect our daily lives. They have been presented highly exciting reverse order, to try and fill the tiny little void left by the absence of moving pictures and a poor quality plot.

>Shopkeepers Daniel Park

Some things are clearly bad. Def Leppard, for instance, or giving birth to an irriatingly smug test-card-esque child. However, there are some things that cunningly disguise their eggy stink, concealing themselves within "polite" society only to pop out and fall upon the head of unsuspecting victims. Our duty, therefore, is to unmask these things for the traitors they are. This time: Monsieur Daniel Park on Why Shopkeepers are Evil.

>Britishness in general Matt Elton

I hate being British. (I don't say English, because I'm at least 50% not, but sadly the other half of me comes from round here somewhere). Just - there are so many things about our national identity that are rubbish, and wrong, and so woefully inept I could cry. (But manful crying, you understand.) But! Wait. Before you jump patriotrically to the defence of your country, most likely with guns, I'll list for you every single thing that is wrong with that identity. [cont]

>British TV Matt Elton

No, not the 70s US band, or the object itself (although clearly sitting in front of a box emitting laser-beams of death for three hours a night can't be a *good thing*, even if there was something remotely entertaining on). No. The reason why Television is a Bad Thing is that it emits crap. Nearly every house in the so-called "First World" has a TV set, correctiment? So millions and millions - nay, billions - of people have a direct connection to the Mother Of All Rubbish. But my ire is directed more specifically at British television for a number of key reasons. [cont]

>Chain Letters Ian Wise

I recently opened my email account and noticed that I had new mail. This does not happen very often, so I was naturally curious. It said 'URGENT - Please read!!!' as it's heading, and I'll admit that I was excited at the prospect of an important email for me. Sadly, as I began to read, I suddenly lost the will to live. [cont]

>University Angst Ian Wise

Some of you (particularly those who read the forum) may have noticed that I am suffering from the well-known medical condition of 'University Angst'. My head doctor has informed me that it is being made much more severe by the absurd amount of hassle and nagging which I (and my fellow students) receive at the hands of the general educational constabulary, or 'teachers'. And the worst culprit of all? My 'form tutor'. Currently the biggest problem (before I ran away on holiday, that is) is what is commonly known as the personal statement... [cont]

Ian Wise is usually quite placid, but sometimes gets mad unexpectedly. Just the other week a free magazine taster supplement led to him embarking on a lengthy diatribe about the ugliness of so-called "cutting edge" modern technology, particularly Microsoft's X-Box. Ugleee.

Matt Elton spent last term at university getting randomly grumpy about things, particularly the way his bed started squeaking apropos of nothing, and the weather. He's better now, thankfully. Well, a bit.

Chris Keates is one of the most all-roundy talented people we've ever met, being good at drawing, thinking of things, breathing, and (as his contributions clearly show) writing. We just hope he doesn't harness his evil genius to take over the world, or head a mulitnational chocolate company.

Dan Park is clearly deeply embittered as a result of working in Alldays. A programme of rest and relaxation has been organised for him by those kind people at Warwick University: it's called a Sociology Degree (UCAS code: L300).